Relationships, relationships – who is right, and who is wrong?
How much animosity and conflict is generated within people’s relationships when one or both parties won’t do what the other wants, or be the person they want them to be? Now, while most people will tell you that their partner is not obliged to do what they want or be who they want them to be, they tend to take issue with them when they refuse to comply with what is expected of them.
This scenario is quite common in love life relationships and indicates that a large percentage of people lack objectivity when it comes to assessing what contributes to their relationship problems, even when the logic for working this out is straight forward.
The logic I am talking about says; Is it smart to expect my partner to be who I want and do what I want when I take issue with them for expecting me to behave as they want?
I mean, would you take an oath in a marriage ceremony that says; I commit to being who my partner wants me to be and to do what they want? As crazy as this is, many people act as though their partner made this oath. They have no qualms about putting pressure on their partner to get them to behave as they want and yet react negatively when their partner does the same to them!
This should come as no surprise, given that most of our parents, grandparents and great grandparents used this mindset to handle their relationships. That’s right folks, we have inherited this mindset from past generations without giving any thought to its ability to deliver the type of relationships we desire. Using old, flawed psychology to deal with the dynamic of modern-day relationships is like using medieval technology to deal with 21stcentury engineering challenges.
As with most people today, the relationships of our parents and grandparents tended to be governed by feelings and instincts that hindered their ability to look objectively at what affected the dynamic of their relationships.
For instance, love is normally the driving feeling behind two people coming together and forming a love life relationship. Embedded in that love, however, is the unconscious expectation (instinct) that says the person they have fallen in love with will support their well-being and how they will do this. When one or both parties fail to live up to what is expected of them, it tends to stir negative feelings that damage the loving sentiments which first stimulated the couple to happily do things for one another in the first place.
So, let’s take a look at this subliminal relationship-logic handed down to us from our parents, grandparents and great grandparents. It says; My partner, you need to be the person I want you to be and do what I want, even though I am unlikely to do the same for you. If you fail to deliver, I will indulge in negative feelings that undermine my love for you, and then blame you for our relationship problems.
Isn’t it time to explore and embrace more enlightened ways to handle our relationships, so that we can have more enjoyable productive relationships, without the need to compromise or disadvantage our wellbeing? If you are interested in exploring ways to do this and participate in discussions on how this can be achieved, then we invite you to join the upcoming webinar on this subject.
It’s not above the paygrade of humanity to have more enjoyable and productive relationships with one another.
